Suicide: how do I do this?

Suicide: how do I do this?

I saw it enticing
I then think it as the only way
The transformer touch in the rain..

Ooh!!!
My name is Alisha Meera..
I am just 13 years of age.
At my tender age, I faced a lot.
And the best I can do now is to end my life.
Suicide.
But why should I commit suicide?
Why should I die a coward?
I just want to heal this pain.
What pain??
Life was fun, until I was Ten.
I was left to live with my step mother.
Dad died weeks after celebrating my Tenth Birthday.
Mum died conceiving me.
And my world shattered at Ten years 14 days.
.....

"Meera! Meera!! Meera!!!"
I will hear her call me at 5:00am
"You daughter of a bastard
You still sleeping" she will always say

"But Ma, I only slept at 12:00am"
 I will try to say
But, a hot slap will shut me up..

Made a slave in my father's house
Made to eat leftovers
(Tears)
Stopped school and turned a housekeeper..
Every night I call out to Mum even though I never met her.
I called Dad, but they won't come neither will they answer me.

Living with my step mother was hell.
She was a mother when Dad was here,
Even though she brought in grown up kids, she loved us equally
This was my thought when her first son came into my room drunk

I watched him stagger
He smells
But, I dare not talk.
The demon moved close to me
I saw his eyes
I saw his body crave for something unknown
I saw him give wicked laughs.
In a lightning of a thunder
My clothes torn
His Zips loosed
He had his way..
Sobs..
To worsen my condition
I heard her say, teach her a lesson
With the back up of his mother
He thrust in more
I screamed but no one heard me
I was alone.
Alone...

Sitting all alone wondering how alone I suddenly became ...

I'm home but I still feel away from home.
I'm yet to draw a line on why seems far even tho I am near..

I'm scared to go away
Why do I feel alone when actually I am not?
I feel  i am tied to an unknown fate of what can't be explained..
I feel separated from the joy I had
I feel connected to a strange feeling
How do I change this..??
Do I take a step in ending this feeling of loneliness?
But how..?
I probably have to leave this world
To a lonely place.
To a home better than this home.
A home so calm and free of this bitter feeling
A home where guardians always stay and don't leave you all by yourself..
I wanna leave
I wanna be free..

Sobs Sobs...


What next?
How will I continue to live with beasts?
No way will I do..
I have to end my life..

Fast forwarded to the present.
The clouds started crying
Heavily it did
Luckily for me, there was power.
I opened the door, straight to the gate, and them the transformer..
My eyes closed and hand moving towards the danger zone..
Has I moved closer.


Meera

Suicide won't take away your pain
It won't give you the peace you desire
The happiness you crave for
It will only add more pain to you
But how I questioned??
Taking your life will only mean more pain and battles to fight in here.
Your present scars are meant to be a star tomorrow.
I listened carefully to the voice.
Then it said lastly

You are not alone, you will only feel alone if you stay silent, break the silence, talk to someone about it and believe me you will have the guardian angels you want here, the peace you  want, and the home that never seems far but always near..

I turned back but I saw no one.
"Who could it be?"
I questioned..
But whoever it is should or must be right..
I went back home with hope,
I never wanted to but the courage came to break the silence
Here comes freedom after.

Suicide is never an option dear friend reading this, it does not take pain rather it gives it to someone else..
It's ok to talk about it with love.

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